Bad Writer

There's nothing more refreshing than a slap in the face from your boss. It's the kicker in your week - when things are going just dandy, and then you get that email, filled with enthusiasm at first glance but after reading in between the lines, is really an email scolding you for your bad work.

I apologize ahead of time for my bad writing, misspelling and grammar mistakes. That is #1 on my need to fix list - amongst other things that have been identified.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate when someone points this out but in the same breath, I almost feel like I just need to crawl under a rock and start all over before I am allowed to resurface to see the day of light.

A recap of the month - I got lectured for needing to work harder (which I admit, was needed). But I think the underlying problem at hand is... I haven't the slightest clue on what I want to do for a career anymore. I thought I knew, but in reality, I have NO idea. I don't know what I want... the only thing I know is I want to be successful... at whatever I end up doing. Is this normal to come across this uncertainty? Or is it just me.

Back to work I go, but I thought I'd share this thought before I forgot it. I've forgotten a lot of things lately, like grammar skills.

Action Items... enroll in a writing class.

Walk the Talk

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ok. I feel better. Not. I've realized that this blog isn't really about happy things. It is about things that really make me tick. I guess that is a form of therapy? Maybe.

Let's start with the bad and then I'll move on to the semi-good.

If you spit all this game, and say you're "the shit" (in my generation's lingo), then you better have something to back it up. Otherwise, you are just all talk. I've learned you can't be all talk in the real world, especially not Corporate America if you want to survive. I've been tasked to handle this project with a newbie, and she's really giving me a run for my money. It's one of those things where if I don't double and triple check my work AND hers, my butt is on the line since my name is attached to the project. And even though we've split up responsibilities and duties, at the end of the day, a team should look out for one another, not just yourself. So I'm stuck in the office for 12+ hours of the day, doing my work AND fixing hers, and it's just really starting to take a toll.

Another though, never lend money to people who are shady. That's a given right?! And realize, that most people will just use you when they need you, and toss you aside when they don't. Feeling the love yet???

Oh, and did I mention, I am working "mandatory" 10 hour days? Lovely. Just lovely.

Okay. The good news. The office of the CEO called and he wants to be involved with our special project/network we're launch. SO AWESOME! The COO is also asking the same thing. Wonderful! We had an awesome meeting with 2 officers, and a couple of directors - which has really put me on the radar of these folks. WOWEE! Now, we just have to get through Thursday...

Lesson learned - never think you are the best thing since sliced bread. You're in for a real surprise...

Soberity

I had an extremely sobering moment today at work that really had reality kick me in the face. I always need a good kicking it seems to really understand the issues at hand.

Happiness is a state of mind. It is something that can be cultivated with the right ingredients and if using rose colored glasses, everything can be as perfect as you want them to be. With that said, this is what I have learned:

I always wondered about consultants and their lives. What drives them. What makes them tick. Why are they the way they are. And how are they successful because of it. I've had my encounters, my experiences - and finally I feel like I've found closure. I am not sure if consulting is the life for me, but if it is, I need to grow a thicker skin and really act like I'm the shit. Forgive my French. But in all reality, I basically I couldn't hack it as a consultant now because I don't believe in “screwing” over a company just to make your bottom line look more attractive, to say that you sold your client this tool, and to leave someone high and dry.

My personal experience is yes, I need to keep my personal life outside of my work. I need to draw that line clear with certain individuals and just let that be a fact. On the other hand, there needs to be a sense of trust that is built – to show that you are truly a team player, to prove yourself to others in your performance. And lastly, to really not let anything be personal – it’s all business. And that is hard. I am a personable kind of person, who yes, has to learn things the hard way, but needs to deal with this the way that it is presented.

My lunch pal, buddy bonded and I’ve found a lot of other connections that I’ve been able to rekindle through this learning process. I am one to want to learn about people, why things are the way they are, and ultimately, I want to understand the world and its inhabitants. I don’t feel like I am at that point and with the one year coming up – YES, in hindsight, I still have a gazillion more years to get to where I need to go… but I think the first year is just as important as your fifth, as your tenth or your 80^th. I think it is a matter of perception.

That is the key takeaway. Perception. How you are perceived. How you want to be perceived. And how that gets you to where you need to go. I won’t go into detail on everyone’s ideas that I’ve gotten tonight, but the spectrum is wide and the world is still my oyster… whatever that is supposed to mean in this context…

Something else they don’t teach you in school… How to deal with the Quarterlife Crisis…

Daydreams

The only thing I've done in the last week is daydream. I haven't daydreamed in maybe 3 years due to some unfortunate circumstances in my life that left me little to "dream" for. It's been a steady 2 months in my new position. I've learned a lot of new lingo and tried to be a sponge and just learn everything, but constantly I feel like all of my work when delivered isn't good enough. Though this is partially to blame of who I directly report to because perfection is her middle name. Others in my department see my work as valuable and actually "good", she just sees me as nothing more than a worker bee who says how high, when she says jump.

I guess I am stuck in that, is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life stage. Not yet near the quarter life crisis, but soon to be there, I am just sitting around each day, doing as I am told, but not really fully understanding if this is my true calling. Watching WALL-E last night was such a tug my on heart strings. I wanted to cry, literally, at the end ... when WALL-E doesn't remember EVE due to all of the things that happened to him in the movie. Robots falling in love on a Friday night with me, crying over them. Now that, is a sad moment...

But at work, Boss Man, as self-fish as I thought he was, I've noticed that most of management just looks out for themselves. It's a dog eat dog world out there and my Oprah attempts to befriend and to get along with others, isn't really something they acknowledge or reward. But it is a human instinct of mine to develop relationships and to embrace them, and I am sorry if that is not acceptable in the business world, but in life, I tend to believe that this is very important and why I am me.

Building relationships is like constructing a building. You have the foundation, the design and the vision. Much like construction, it does not happen over night unless your name is Ty and is the host of Extreme Makeover. Relationships develop over time and grow with experiences, and are tested against hardship and struggle. I am not saying all relationships have struggle because sometimes the mere action of letting someone in and sharing your life with them is enough to bond two people. For example, yesterday was an extremely insightful because someone I met at work, who was the most guarded person since me, opened up and shared his life, his struggle with love, and his passion for a new outlook on life - which made me so happy that he felt compelled to confide in me.

This brings me to my next point. I already made a point about "dating" on this blog somewhere momentarily. Not that YC and I ever dated, we just became really good friends. Though writing without thinking can get me into trouble, as my lunch buddy has constantly brought up - I've noticed that this time, I will process my thoughts before divulging them onto the page.

Another consultant... (man, what is it about them?!) has been with the company for about 3 years implementing this project. Though this project I believe is a complete flop, has turned our company's processes into a joke and our cycle time has tripled since October - we are still spending millions on trying to fix this problem. But this is where I believe in fate and I believe in chance. As I get interrogated by my work mom about this guy, 3 weeks later, we finally have a decent conversation with my initial introduction of myself. To make a long story short, I do not take chances with people that I know can hurt me. I don't stick my neck out on the line or even take things to the next level like carrying a "normal" conversation with them because in a sense, I feel that if I let my guard down a little, I will somehow end up the victim.

Going back to work - so why do people care if I am simply conversing with this consultant? It is because work is like high school. Work is gossip. Work is just a bad place sometimes because we spend so much time together and at the end of the day, life is more interesting when you have soap operatic moments, then when you sit at your desk for hours on end, by yourself, in silence. I know next week can be filled with drama. Only because lunch is a 5 letter word with the meaning of "date" embedded in it.

Working. Am I truly happy with what I have stumbled upon? Not sure. I still envision a life where I can work with people and do something with relationships and plan events and be creative. Though I am being creative now, it's just "never good enough" which gets me every single day.

To my point, I've daydreamed about this consultant. I've daydreamed about a new career. And I've daydreamed about the last years of college. I need to dream up of something fast... or else another year will have gone by, and I still will be writing these thoughts on this page...

To Mingle or not to MINGLE!

Interdepartment exchanges seem to be something advised against here.

Exhibit A: Happy Hours only seem to be okay if you are with the people you work with. Outside of the group - not so much.

Exhibit B: Happy hours when you run into other people from other departments = weird and awkward.

Exhibit C: Any exchanges besides business related doesn't seem to be okay across departments.

I am thoroughly confused at this point in time.

Personalities such as "I am too cool to be your acquaintance" is highly disappointing.

Chance encounters. Chance reunions. Chance exchanges. It's all just a chance.

Realize

Colbie. She sings a song, it's called Realize. I realized something...

When you have an opportunity, go for it. Even if you are scared - scared to fail, scared of the unknown, or just scared. And me, I complain, a lot. I know I do. It's one of the things I've perfected in my years of existance. But I am getting better at not complaining, not being scared, and just going for it. Keep Moving Forward - the famous takeaway line from Meet the Robinsons. Keep Moving Forward.

So a lot has happened since the last post. I got a new job (well, I still work for the sample company, just new responsibilities) I've made new friends, kept in touch with a lot of the old, and really started to see the big picture.

Work is stressful. Stress = lots of sleep needed. But I want to make a difference. I want to be someone or do something extraordinary. But the thing is, I don't want to be known as just a number, a person, a spec at the 800lb gorilla as Lunch Buddy liked to call it - I want to make make a difference. But that is where I learn more about individuals, I learn more about people specifically - what makes them tick, what drives them, and how to work with them.

My new boss, Ms. Boss Woman, she loves to work. She works until the sunsets - and is usually still up when the sun rises. She's a workaholic. Although sometimes to a fault, she gets the job done. But she is unhappy it seems in her personal life. And that is something natural that happens. I on the other hand, have something called the immature and creepy satelite a top my head - attracting all creepy and immature people, of all genders. It happens. A lot.

But this is where I learn about myself and others. This is where I learn about people. And in turn, it helps me learn about the world. And the interesting thing is, people just want to be included. They want to be helped. They want to be liked. They want to be in the know. They just want - what you want. And yes, I do tend to be a little impatient for those who are on the immature side, but I have to learn too that no everyone is the way I am. And not everyone understands me either.

So in the last 10 months, what have I learned? I've learned that we are constantly growing individuals. I've learned that if you don't push the limit, you'll never know what you are fully capable of. I've learned that sometimes, you just need to let go, and other times, it is okay to say no. I've learned when the going gets tough, the tough gets going - but also learned that there is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel. I've learned friendship can be strong, but not as strong as love - but that even love isn't a sure thing. I've learned that each person is a piece to the puzzle, and we all fit together, perfectly.

I've realized there is more than meets the eye and a smile, an invitation, a gesture of kindness - that is what the world needs.

Learn. Love. Live.

World Upside Down

There is something strange about life. When you get down to the bare bones, strip away all of the luxury and the wants - you are left with you. Just one person, living life - you.

A lot has happened in the last couple/few weeks.

I successfully recruited a candidate. (Though now earning a salary higher than mine, it is Karma that will reward)

I met the most senior Vice President of the Company and now am on a first name basis with him.

I moved into a new role for my job - same title (sort of), different responsibilities. New, exciting and up and coming responsibilities.

I miss college. I miss college a lot. Not just the "freedom" but just everything in between. I just miss it.

Back to work -- more on my life, career and ah-ha's in a few.

Make New Friends... but keep the old?

Remember that song? We learned it in some grade that I could count on one hand... and even the sign language equalivant to it.

So why in the real world do we not make new friends?! Why is everyone who you meet at work just worried about their 8-5 and then going home to their own lives?! WHY?????

So maybe in college I was a bit overachieving. I felt the need to do everything and anything I could get my hands on. Maybe if I had just planned out what I wanted more strategically, things would have turned out differently?

Let's backtrack.. I was very involved to say the least and tried to make friends where I went. I think Charlie Barlett says it best. Now, let's stop for a moment and think -- Charlie Barlett = the new Ferris. Okay. It's not just about making friends and being liked -- but it does come along with the picture. Yet in Corporate America, you really do not have any friends. They are just mere images of people you see every day and you just hope one of them doesn't stab you in the back, before you get a chance to get away or to do the same.

So things I didn't learn in college:

Make your friends in college, but be sure to relocate with them or else, you're stuck in a rut.
Date in college, because dating in the real world, really doesn't work out.
Do not date someone you meet at a bar. What happens at the bar, should stay at the bar.
Marriage is right around the corner, and people make these decisions about marriage, 3 weeks - 4 months into the relationship...

And I totally missed the memo on all of these topics I just mentioned above, so I will crawl back into my hole and twiddle my thumbs until my tax return surfaces.

Top 5 Musts

These are qualities that one must possess to work in Corporate America. It is simply not just a requirement, but a way of life, as I have noticed. ::please note the sarcasm to follow::

1. Never read your email, completely or thoroughly.

Why the heck would you send someone an email if they aren't going to read it? Same goes for why leave someone a voicemail, or even send them a memo - heck - why even tell ANYONE ANYTHING if they just don't care. Right. So when you invite me out to happy hour, and I decline, and write a reason as to why in the text before I send it, I kind of expect you to read it. Just kind of. And on top of that, do not hold it against me as to say "I missed out" or how much cooler you were/are than I am just because you went to this shindig and I was too busy working.

2. Coolness/Misfits

If you are too cool, you won't make it. If you are too much of an odd ball, you again, will not make it. You have to middle of the road, cool enough to play with the big guys but yet down to earth enough to hang with the little people to make it. But this is all in how you define success. If you think being successful is to stab one another in the back (or front) and to (pardon my french) talk shit with a smile, then heck yeah - on the way to the top you go! But until you learn how to master these things... you're just stuck, at square one, in the copy room... or in my case, in a box with no door. At least the copy room, has a door...

3. The Outfit

You can't look the part enough. If your toes hang over, don't buy the shoes. If your heel sticks out from behind, don't buy the shoes. High water pants, only cool for HIGH WATER situations. Walking means to pick up your feet, not drag them across the carpet in small tiny steps because your clothes and shoes are too small. Sticking out your chest - ladies, not attractive, especially when approaching the too old ages, and most importantly, if your bad outfit comes with a bad personality/attitude... note to myself, I gotta move cubes, pronto. Other personality traits - please steal everyone's food, ask about the weather EVERYDAY, say "ok" 1,000,000,000,000 over the course of the day, "mmm hmmm" becomes your natural response after every other word, and yes, please, RETIRE SOON.

Anything too trendy, won't get you anywhere. Anything too much like what I described to you above will just leave you stagnent in your position, for 7 years. (seriously.)

4. Assume = Ass + U + Me

Never assume someone is bright enough to make decisions that not only involve logic, but also COMMON SENSE. I will focus my thoughts on common sense as a topic of discussion soon. Assuming goes with communication, which is a nice compliment to USING YOUR NOGGIN. I've assumed, I've played dumb and not assumed. I just lose and am just an ass. I just have ASSME, or MEASS. Whatever.

5. L.I.E.

This is the key to success. Some like to call it "learning to bull shit" others like to call it "conversation starters"... whatever you want to disguise for this 3 letter word... it is what it is. To LIE is to Lead Idiots Endlessly... over the river and through the woods, to a deep dark tunnel that has no light at the end or pot of gold... and to top it all off, lying becomes a way of life... and then before you know it, Boss Man is going to be on that tv show with the lie detector asking about whether or not he wants to cheat on his wife or whatever questions they ask... and because he has tried to master the technique of LIE -- he'll pass a couple rounds with flying colors.

There isn't really any point to this post. The point is, every day I see something different. Every day I am either made to feel like scum, worthless and invaluable because of one reason or another. Sucks to feel that way. Sucks that people's jobs ARE aimed to making you feel like living under a rock may be better...

Underappreciated. Underpaid. Underminded. Under-represented. Understood... by very few.

K.I.S.S.

Keep. It. Simple. Stupid.

When giving a presentation, keeping to the basics is key for the audience members. This is to ensure everyone, at all levels, can understand the material that is being presented and makes for effective presentations.

However. In the workplace, I thought everyone was at least somewhat educated or experienced enough in their field or subject matter to not have everything literally spelled out to them. Then again, I would like to rephrase that, I thought, people actually read emails and comprehended the fact that if someone took time to tell you something - since phone calls, voicemails and actual written memos seem to me something of the past sometimes, that the email would be the next best thing. Boy, was I mistaken.

So - write short emails, that are extremely detailed and do not miss deadlines. Always ask a ridiculous amount of questions to cover your behind. Never make a judgement call without having at least 50% of the details. And if you must, make sure you enlist support from those around you, just in case you need to pull a CTRL + Z to undo all of your boo-boo's. And eat lots of chocolate. It seems to be the food of choice when stressed.

Now with that said, I noticed something particular recently. When in college, you could become friends with your classmates, date your classmates, and there was no harm in doing so. But in the workplace, you cannot date your co-workers, nor can you even be "real" friends with them because they will ultimately remain "your co-worker/friends"... always. No matter how many movies you see, coffee runs, lunch sessions or even happy hour/dinner plans you make, they will always remain your "co-worker/friend". The idea bloggles my mind. But maybe this is only true in traditional Corporate America settings... as I've experienced otherwise with my friend at his internet firm... they are very lax - to say the least. If Boss Man were to come out for drinks, I think I'd be concerned more than relieved.

Look at how things can change so quickly. Dating in the work place, as I have already visited this topic a few posts before, is something that needs a bit of shadiness and a bit of scamming to work for both parties. And to learn the tricks of the trade, I feel like you just either 1. throw yourself out there and hope for the best, 2. get burned and say to yourself "i'm never doing that again" or 3. have a mentor that will guide you through this jungle like adventure. Because, obviously at a company that has a percentage of how many of its coworkers have married to each other, there must be dating happening on some level.

I have not yet stumbled upon another remarkable discovery as work has consumed me. I just know that creepy/weird men even at work tend to gravitate towards me. Maybe I have a sign on my forehead that says, "all weirdos wanted, please approach". In any case, people feel the need to say weird things - including phrases such as "I am so honored that you..." or upon meeting someone for the first time, ask me out to lunch... or best yet -- invite me to dinners which were assumed were for a large crowd, turn out to be a double date in disguise. G.R.O.S.S. Beggars can't be choosers, I get that. But seriously, THROW ME A BONE.

That's all I have for now. The taste in my mouth is too much to bare and now I must continue working on Easter due to my million of things due next week when half of the office is out for Spring Break. Must be lovely to have a gazillion hours of vacation. Wish I knew what that felt like...

S.H.A.D.Y

A 5 letter word that is notorious in Corporate America.

Exhibit A.

A supervisor presented me with an opportunity to move to a new location for work... doing work I wasn't so excited about, but never the less, doing work. He told Boss Man that I would be a good fit. Okay, let's recap, I didn't take a job where I knew it was going to be located, to travel to work every day. That ISN'T the point in taking a job - knowing the exact longitude and latitude of the office's location. And then presenting me the idea -- but framing it like I really don't have a choice in the end, isn't something I like. EVER.

Exhibit B.

Boss Man telling me one thing about the changes. Other higher folks telling me another. And then the battle begins! We'll see what happens when.

Exhibit C.

TBD

The Sky is Falling!

So all of a sudden, the world fell apart.

Let's recap - this week so far, I realized that you have a good week and a bad week and then a good week again, and apparently JC thinks that way too. What are the odds? I thought people thought I was just crazy when I had these thoughts running through my head. And then there are things that happen that seem too good to be true, and 99% of the time, it is. Again, recapping...

Yesterday was just one of those Mondays that meant something weird was going to happen - like a foresight kind of a day. We all stayed late in the office to finish up somethings and felt like it became a social gathering in my cube at 5pm. Nice, but interesting. JC and I made friends again and I even mentioned the fact that his grumpy pants really does not suit him well. He proceeded to spend the entire time apologizing. It is nothing to apologize for, just something to be aware about for the future. Him being too nice, meant something was up. Either something bad. Or something strange. I think it was anticipated that both would be... up for consideration. JC then wants to go to happy hour, have dinner, hang out. Why the sudden change in heart? Who knows... then logging on at home, he again, messages with something nice. Okay. Seriously. There is something going on.

Moving on to the notion of what happened at work. We all knew a re-org was going to approach us. But now I figured out that I may be moving to a new city??? That would not be something that I would enjoy nor did I sign up for. If I do get that assignment, you can bet your bottom dollar I will look elsewhere to future my career. There are several options... according to here say: I could move to a new group still reporting to Boss Man - still I believe in my same title just with more responsibility and different functions, go to a new group that is being formed as of right now, or go to the new city. Then I hear, other folks may be replaced by the new folks that just got "transfered" in - and to top it all off, JC sends a message at 5:30pm today saying that he doesn't know when he'll be back?!

Okay, lots and lots of changes. Now the question is, why are we always the last to know. This is where again, I bring up the notion of ignorance being bliss. If you simply did not know any better, this would not have any dwelling on your conscience what so ever. But for me, it does. It really really does. What does this mean? Is everything simply going to fall a part?

AND I've come to the conclusion that you shouldn't always rely on other people to do things for you. Especially women. Please at least pretend to be independent. Thanks. BUGS ME. Pet peeve #2098210397120917 along with the guess what secret pet peeve.

Something to add to my list:
- not be shady when I am in a position of authority. it only comes back and bites in you in the ass and it is called, KARMA.

Note to self: sometimes, taking time out to listen to someone else's problem is a good thing, however, sometimes that act of kindness leads to future conversations that could just irritate the heck out of me.

Sales

Selling yourself short... or selling a product you don't believe in... 2 very unfortunate situations that often times I find myself sandwiched between.

This post will probably be the most random as I haven't written in a while and also am feeling the repercussions of my infection. Health update, surgery is needed and estimated recovery time is 6 weeks.

On to the more interesting stuff!

Selling yourself short. I found myself in this predicament when I had my performance review last week... or maybe it was the week before. It must have been last week. I was told that I surpassed the expectations of Boss Man, did well, but still somehow just ended up on the scale as "average". I got an "average" raise and an "average" pat on the back. When asked how I would be able to achieve more, I simply got a response of "becoming more promotable". Excuse me. So you're saying, I'm doing well, but not well enough because the work you give me isn't something that will help me, I am just given tasks to do to stay alive at this monster of a corporation?! Great. I sensed a bit of ... "she wants to be promotable? she isn't okay just staying where she is?" I guess my go-getting spirit hit a brick wall because I felt extremely ... what's the word I am looking for, used, betrayed, tricked, falsely informed... all of the above. To end my lame review, we walked out of the Boss Man's office and saw JC with his dad... and of course, I should have seen it coming, Boss Man nudges my elbow and says "you know, he likes you". UGH!!!!! I ended that conversation with, "Please, can we just drop the topic? Both of us have been through enough in the last 6 months." I wanted to be tactful, but at that point, I really didn't have a come back that was 1. witty, 2. nice or 3. pleasant because seriously, it's SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

Selling a product you don't believe in. I've had the pleasure to attend 2 career fairs, looking for bright young talent. But how do you sell something you don't believe in? I tried doing that a number of years ago on a previous internship and yes, the product - great product, but I didn't think it was the best product in the whole entire world where everyone should use it - it was just a good product on the market. So how do you sell a corporate monster that you don't really believe in? Maybe it was the sorority in me that had recruitment written on my face. Maybe it was the fact that I was young and pushing for a company that others felt like they could relate to. Maybe it was the notion that you wanted to believe and listen to the young professional who just 10 months ago, was in your shoes, ready to take on the world with everything she had inside of her. Until of course, the world swallowed her whole...

At my alma mater, I must say, was a great time. Not only did I reconnect with students I hadn't seen but at the same time faculty and staff made it feel as though time stopped for the moments I spent with them, recollecting the memories and past that seemed just like yesterday. I even met someone "cool" from the corporation and made a new friend. Small world, though we didn't have a small world moment... yet. But when meeting someone that likes food, good wine, culture and life -- that's a keeper at least for friends. Now, we may not be friends outside of 8-5 M-F, but that's good enough for me and my network... Cheesy, lame and almost sickening, but yes. You never know where you will meet new connections or find ones you simply lost touch with... and in my case, you never know where you will run into someone that could either change your life forever, or be the beginning of what you may think could be the end.

Respecting your elders. I think it is a term that is overrated, only because somethings you can say over and over again - and after the 10 millionth over - it doesn't mean anything anymore. The words simply just become a phrase people don't even think about anymore because it begins to sound like a broken record player, on repeat... forever. In this case, I am referring to respecting those who have been at a Fortune 500 for a long time, playing the game the way that they know how to play the game and figuring out what is the next step in their lives after retirement. Golf is a game that many enjoy, although I am not one for just hitting a ball for the sake of hitting a ball. Then again, I'm not one to enjoy the spa I have now learned, so I guess we'll have to do a little more soul searching to find the game I will play when I reach that point in my life. On to my point, I was told by a wise professor to make a list. A list of things to do when I got into a position of authority... and I think I found a couple things to add to my list as I have experienced it recently:

1. Don't take credit for someone else's work. Promote their abilities and think to yourself, perhaps they have done well because you have guided them to their success.

2. Don't take advantage of AA's. (administrative assistants) Someone's gotta do the work, but really, when you just see them as someone who "photocopies" or "orders office supplies" - we have a problem. Really, how hard is it to photocopy something? Can you take 5 seconds out of your day instead of griping about something meaningless and just stick the piece of paper into the copier?!

3. Be humble. (when I have a greater explanation for this one, I will elaborate...)

It is so sad to see those who are still to be considered young professionals as snotty as they are with the AA's. There is no reason to be and without them, you'd have to do the work anyway - so stop being such a pain and stop being so rude and mean, and just appreciate. Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate.

Now the main topic of concern. I have been told in my life that I appear to be unpleasant. I like to have the argument that - it is my face you are calling unpleasant and I am sorry I cannot change what it looks like. However, I do know that there are times where I am presenting more Bitter Betty and Debbie Downer actions rather than Suzie Sorority ones. Human nature, as I like to put it. But what I've realized is that we are all going through this struggle of not understanding how we fit in, what the rules of the game are, and simply - how to survive. As one of the musketeers might advise, learning how to play the game in school took years to perfect. We started at 5 and ended our journey (or paused) at 22. That gave us approximately 17 years to get it right. Now, I admit, there are many people out there who just never figured out the game of school - hence of the fact of them never wanting to return. Others who mastered the game early on - and went to the likes of the top tiered fancy smancy Ivy Leagues or other importantly named ones. And then there was me - learned just in time to secure my place in life, to leave my mark and to remind others that better late than never. (though always show up to meetings early, because if you are on time you are late, and if you are late - you're just up the creek... that was something learned from someone I do truly respect and one of the best bosses I've ever had!) My point is, there have been books written about the Quarter life Crisis. There are shows on television about it. Everyone goes through it (like menopause or the all time famous mid-life crisis) -- but having a chat with someone I never thought I would get along with or have anything in common with really opened my eyes up to the notion of, we are all human, experiencing points in our lives that no one will hand us winning ticket on a silver platter, but sticking together, side by side - and bonding.

Okay, to be totally objective, I understand, not everyone wants to "bond" or wants anyone to even hear about their gripes. But, for my defense, it is always better to engage yourself with other people because those bonds and these situations is what makes us who we are, develops our personalities as adults, and in 40 years have stories that begin with "when I was your age...".

I'm still trying to find motivation... looking for the light at the end of the tunnel... and ultimately searching for the point in our lives at this moment. But, knowing that there are others by my side, whether or not on my team or against me, still experiencing the same issues and crap in corporate America, makes me feel just a little better that I am not alone.

Til next time...

Short and Sweet

I guess I didn't realize more people were aware of this blog than I had thought... this should make writing even more interesting now :)

Just a sneak peak on what you can expect on the next entry as I am running out the door for a full day of relaxation.

I am writing this more for myself - a reminder.

- Performance Review
- Career Fairs (yes, plural)
- Respecting your elders
- Rules of the game
- Lists for days

I'll be back tomorrow with more details!

Therapy

Writing in a strange way is like therapy, except you don't have the doctor, in a chair, telling you what you're doing wrong with your life and then paying for that opinion. It's just me, this keyboard and this page -- for my thoughts to flow off of my fingers and onto the site, for the entire world to read about.

Work has not gotten any better. Actually I think I have earned a new title... Jack of all trades meets Oriental rug to drag your feet on. I guess it has come to the very conclusion that I am not only versatile which has hurt me, but now I have come to the realization that I am being used. How horrible is that?! And it's not just something that came to my mind and all of a sudden it goes *ding* -- it was something that someone else pointed out. Unfortunate, indeed. I now don't have issues with money or struggling as I did in college, but man - like Biggie and Puffy said, mo' money, mo' problems.

I always envisioned being at work as an enjoyable part of life. I remember days back in college when I was so thrilled I was so many months or semesters away from graduating, having a real job and responsibility. Right now, I would give anything to be back in school, not dealing with corporate drama, or personalities that conflict.

My main topic for today's session is to talk about people using you, realizing it, and the fake personalities you come across in the work place. Please beware, situations are real and such topics should be addressed in some seminar in the future. If there are already books and conferences about this, someone please pass on the word!

I have always been the little helper. I have never minded helping out whenever and wherever I can because I believe in karma. I believe in being rewarded in the future for a good deed you did for someone else - because I truly believe that is how fate works. And I've learned, you always want to make your boss look good. BUT - I also believe that if you boss looks great, but does not recognize you in return for any of this additional shine you have contributed to their resume or their "great" image, then maybe you are working for the wrong boss. Maybe that's just me.

I simply work with self centered, egotistical, arrogant, snobby, wanna-be know-it-alls, who have no college degree - or those who do, flaunt it like a Gucci bag fresh from the department store, with the tag still on it. I simply feel that I report to non-promoting, scummy people who do not care about helping those around them realize their full potential - and this is worst than a game of Darwinism - but simply a game of Dumb and Dumber.

I've been pushed to the limit of my capabilities. If I look like I'm sick, maybe I am. But please, don't take it upon yourself to express that verbally to make me feel even worse than I already do, just for the sake of doing it. Also, if I seem annoyed, maybe it's because I don't feel well. But the continuous baggering and annoyance of "are you ok? are you sure? are you sure you're ok?" is really not going to make the situation any better.

Lessons learned:

I must not wear my emotions on my sleeve.
I must not present any form of discontentment to certain select individuals.

Other lessons to be learned:

PLEASE DO NOT PROVIDE INFORMATION TO ME THAT WILL RUIN MY DAY. There is no point in telling me I am not the person who didn't get a promotion. Don't tell me that because I am getting a 4th supervisor that it sucks. Yes, I am fully aware. Please do not rub in my face that the situation I am put in, is unfortunate. Thanks, Captain Obvious. I am so grateful for your observations, NOT.

Ignorance is bliss. Or so people say. But I have always been a true go getter, wanting to accomplish more than just the ordinary status quo kind of a person. However, now learning that 1. It is not a good idea to have an interest of any kind other than co-worker status with your co-workers, 2. friendships are hard to find and many of those who originated in college and high school are probably your best bets later in life, 3. Simple maintain an outlook of strict professionalism at all times at work, 4. learn how to work the system -- the faster the better, 5. Whatever you do, always have a person to go to or a blog to write on.

My question to the reading audience is, how do you maintain a level head on your shoulders and leave what happens at the office, at the office? Maybe I have the problem of carrying too much baggage. Maybe I need to just let go of things. But in this instance, I can't be too blunt, or I may be the next one on the chopping block. But at the same time, the more I hold in, the one situation that turns into the situation of the straw that breaks the camel's back is going to send me straight to the corner, in a time out, or 6 feet under -- where it could have all been prevented.

I think what I am asking for is an outlet to release this tension and anger, or even just a way to address the situation because I clearly am not able to find any resources at work that can help me with that.

I'm used, abused, overworked and underpaid, upset and alone, but most importantly, confused and thoroughly discouraged.

Stagnet

Reward: n, to recompense or requite (a person or animal) for service, merit, achievement, etc.

A company, downsizing, offering monetary rewards -- for performing job duties. Is that a little odd? Maybe it is just me.

A company, where management fluctuates every month, and then middle management hire duds. Odd. Yes, just a bid.

Management - who tells me, that I AM TOO VERSATILE and that is why I am not moving anywhere -- has now pushed me over the edge, wanting to quit and just start fresh with a completely different company.

I am to a point where I am not "Movin' on up", but yet, being held down for being good at doing too many things and not being "focused" and "owning" a specific area. So if this is recognized, how can I change it. The answer I get told, "Don't worry about it..." I WORRY, because not only will it be another year before I can go for a promotion, but I may just rip my hair out before then. I don't want to complain, I don't even want to say that I am unhappy as I know, how important it is to display and carry yourself in a certain manner. But honestly, I am so fed up, I feel as though I should quit, right a nasty letter to someone important and tarnish the image even more. That is only in my most angry moment of today. And knowing me, I won't do that.

Charlie Brown once said, I think I'm afraid to be happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens.

This Corporate gal is just upset because not that I feel that a promotion would fix the situation, but I want to be able to say that what I am doing is being recognized. I am literally, the Jane of All Trades at work - I do everything you can imagine over a number of categories and job functions, and all I get is a pat on the back and get told, but that won't get you ahead... so why try? Why even put forth the effort to try? I simply am just upset at how society can 1. take credit for things they didn't do, 2. be okay with that, and 3. idiots at work that can't keep their mouth shut.

Pet peeve: If you don't want me to succeed or don't want me on your team, don't lie. JUST DON'T DO IT. I have never felt this horrible about my performance and abilities since high school. Perhaps the college mentality at a private University spoiled me rotten. But I honestly have not felt as useless and meaningless in a really long time. For some reason, the act of sympathy or empathy or whatever you want to refer to the acts that I have experience, more so comes across as - horrible taunting messages that basically infer the meaning of "I am better than you, and this is why -- oh by the way, it's not personal."

On a funnier side, JC came to the conclusion that I was upset at him, so now EVERYONE in the office thinks we "broke up" and are having "issues". I don't understand my co-workers, my manager, the company, or anyone work related at this moment in time.

But what really topped the icing on the cake, in a good way, is that there are people who could make my day, brighten up a room when they walk in, and when those people send emails my way, no matter what it is, I am immediately excited beyond all belief! I got an email from my Lunch Pal from 2 summers ago that made my day and put a smile on my face at least from the time I opened up the email to when I replied and closed the window.

I have this feeling that to get ahead, you have to be 1. Cut throat, 2. Really good in bed, 3. Lucky, 4. Almost too weird for words... I think that's all I have for now. But in this company, if you fit those criteria, you will rise in the ranks very quickly. People think it is just in a drama filled soap opera or magazine that you read about things such as this - but it happens in everyday affairs, just behind closed doors where the company's image is not tarnished, at least that's what the public relations team wants you to think.

Lessons to learn in school:
1. How to deal with office politics
2. How to identify office politics
3. How to find your own objectives and voice them
4. How to avoid idiots
5. How to keep your head straight, priorities in check, and back safe

Dumpster Diving

Everyone goes through this point in their lives... everyone feels like this at one point or another... everyone wants what they can't have...

But I want to be the girl who has everything. (do you remember that song, from the 90's?? 10 points if you can guess who sang/sung? it!)

It's a 3 day weekend and I have no idea what I want. I have no idea where I want to go at work because all I can see is that work is just a horizontal flat line - and I've died and gone to hell. Okay, maybe not hell... I can't distinguish apart what people do, because to be, I am basically performing to the best of my ability on all levels, but still at the lowly bottom of the totem pole. It's not that I don't want to get to the top, I just feel like maybe this isn't the environment that I want to be in. And as sad as that sounds, I have no idea what I want to do.

Would I be happier as a chef? Probably not... I'd have sore feet and an achy back at the end of my shift. But working in my box isn't making it any better. Perhaps if I had worked harder as a child, I could have been an aspiring dancer whose career would be over in 10 years... maybe a tv producer/news anchor... but even those dreams were short lived.

Promotions are just another term for bull shit brown nosing...

Ok. Rant over. When I figure out what promotions really mean and how titles differentiate, I'll get back to you on that...

To-Do List:
1. Figure out what my job really entails (roles and responsibility)
2. Solve the problem I have of idiotic co-workers
3. Figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life
4. Find a good dessert
5. Take a long nap

I've Got a Secret...

Guess what?

What?

I can't tell you.

PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS! First of all, that is such a pet peeve of mine, and secondly, we are in the work place, so why play this game?

It's amazing how the world works. Standards are something that people hold to themselves, whether or not it is them wanting to be more successful or just live life ethically, it is something that we do to ourselves on various levels in our life. This last week was a prime example of things that really slap you back in the face and make you realized, oh - wow, the world really isn't as sophisticated or advanced as we had hoped, at least, not here.

I gave a presentation on Wednesday in front of maybe 250 people... okay, maybe less. The room was the size of a giant conference room - giant meaning corporate America giant - but only half filled. The presentation, 30 minutes long. The day I found out I was going to travel OUTSIDE of where I work and had to rearrange my entire schedule for the presentation, the day before, at 4:30pm. This is not entirely my fault. I believe that if you 1. put the location of the meeting in the meeting invite, this would have prevented me from having a minor heart attack, and 2. perhaps it it shouldn't be assumed that EVERYONE knows where the meeting would be, just because it was historically there in the past. Just a thought... and 3. I only look at agendas to see where I am in the line-up. It is not the first place to think of where the LOCATION would be for the actual meeting.

The presentation went well. Compliments out the door. That made me feel good. Though my standards were higher and I could have talked slower, could have done something even more engaging, not bad for my first grown up presentation.

Then the fun comes in. Meetings with more important people who appreciated my work -- my work that I took courses on in college. That made me feel good. Being apart of a new project. That's fun. Getting my work done and getting recognized (but only during times of eval - not so fun) but still great. And then, the snowball drops.

YC - now dating his "friend" from college... and being super secretative. For some reason, it made my skin crawl, until I realized, looking back at the previous blog, inner office dating is a NO-NO. Actually, it should be NO-NO. But still, it was quite an interesting adventure. Then finding out that one of the associates is getting a promotion, then being told that it had nothing to do with my performance, automatically says that I didn't get the promotion. I don't even think it upset me that I didn't get the promotion, it just upset me that it was told to me in the manner of 1. don't tell anyone, 2. It's not you, it's management (reason), and 3. a reminder that I just may not be good enough, 4. management only want certain people to succeed and if you want those people on your team, you have to play this game, 5. I just report to someone who could care less if I got ahead in my career, as long as Boss Man stays a float, that is all that matters.

I guess I am slightly annoyed because isn't the whole point of being a leader, being a mentor, being someone higher in the food chain, wanting those who come in with the wide eyes and the eagerness to learn, wanting them to be SUCCESSFUL?!?!?!? Maybe I am incredibly naive and have no freakin' clue on what in the world I am supposed to do. But it is such a game that obviously, I am not getting the hang of quick enough. Seriously.

So politics plays a crucial role in the work place. So does making the right friends, wearing the right outfits, having good taste (in general) but not be too snobby. Rules that NO ONE TOLD US ABOUT IN SCHOOL. Minor detail.

I think working long hours will help my shopping needs die down... that would be helpful just in an overall sense.

And dating. Well, that went out the door long enough. The conclusion from last night's not date, date - you can have an amazing time with a friend, who is great company and who can just make you laugh.

Plus, I have my person. Actually, as Fabulous likes to call it, her people. And don't intertwine weekend getaway trips and work. It just isn't a good idea.

Ciao reading world!

Clients and Consumers

Clients are interesting folks to say the least. They have such a quirky touch to them. It's like, they hatched out of a different egg than the rest of us folks... That doesn't make much sense, but it will once you read the story.

My days have been extremely long and tiring. I think I have already worked 40 hours and it is JUST Wednesday. I am not sure how I have been able to keep up with work -- in the work work sense and socially. I just sometimes want to just sit and chat all day, catch up on life over a nice cold lemonade, and then BAM! reports and everything get slammed in your face and before you can say anything, you get a memo that says "I needed this yesterday, by the way". Great. Just Great. But the worst part is, reports may be long and comprehensive, but do no good just sitting in someone's mailbox or on a desk after it's been opened and printed out -- and then our meeting will probably consist of "can you please explain to me what this pie chart means?" AHHHHHHHHHHH. The same game. Every meeting. And I'm the one who gets paid less than half of what the Boss Man makes? Fabulous. Just freakin' fabulous.

Everyone at the office seems to be on their own time line, but it is kept a secret, so you don't know what move they are going to make next. Let's think, like chess, you can see their obvious move, and then ta-da! CHECKMATE. Sucks. a. Lot. Can't it be like Candyland or Monopoly?? Role some dice or pick a card, take a risk but cash in large! Right now, it's just a game of the not so Beautiful Mind versus the Gen Y, reality show junkie.

So clients. My clients are a little different. They have their own personality and their own spunkiness to them, which is great and all, but sometimes, they have to know when to stop selling and just be real. I totally understand you want us to spend more money with you, what companies doesn't want you to do that? But when we are focused on SAVINGS and BUDGETS, it is so hard to really shake these folks down and say, "look, CHILL OUT --" it's just the nod, smile, uh-huh :) that's all you can do. And it is so frustrating at times... to just see that they don't get what you are trying to get across... maybe it's they just don't care. Yes. That makes more sense.

But clients also have an interesting take on things. If you don't want their business, they want to pursue you even more. Like the game of dating. When you play hard to get, all of a sudden, the party that had no interest in you at all, starts to engage you in a cat and mouse game. WHY? And then when you give them the attention, they have options of 1) being more annoying and wanting more and more and more, or 2) being the biggest #)$(&)#*( they can be, and in the end, still annoying you, but leaving you with a horrible feeling in your stomach. (Maybe the clients are causing my pain in my stomach!) In sales, there is a fine line between being persistent and being annoying. Many don't find this fine line until someone points it out to them or a client rudely mentions it and then demands to speak to your manager. I avoid all calls at work marked "PRIVATE" now because I can't stand to think of speaking to this one sales guy anymore. You can only say "no thank you" to such a degree before their dumb questions and not so intelligent responses will just be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Onto the comparison...

Consumers - so we all consume everything. It just cracks me up because when you are a consumer, you feel entitled. You have this sense of "this belongs to me and I deserve this because..." and all of the reasons you can think of, can be applied to this idea. So when clients become consumers, it is annoying. Seriously. Annoying. I can't really go into detail about the business, but it is just one of those times when I want to take the phone and shove it back in their ear and tell them to figure it out -- all of course done with a smile and friendly voice. It's all about how you say things, not what you say. That is the golden rule for today's notes.

And guys in the office are interesting. I have my work husband, JC, who seems to need more attention than the yellow lab puppy I've watch grow up before my eyes. Just because I had a lunch meeting with a client and had other things on my calendar, doesn't mean I love you any less as a work husband. But now, here is the real challenge. Mixing work with my weekend. How will JC handle friends from college in a cabin far away from civilization? How will my friends reaction with JC and Mr. Film (his friend from college) as they are representations of my life and my work working world now? Ground rules should be set, but that is just me, being me. But mixing the two, could be a deadly combination. What Mr. Original Consultant once said to me 2 years ago, mixing pleasure and business is never a good idea -- only certain circumstances -- though he wasn't exactly the greatest role model, or had the brightest bulb of the bunch, he sometimes had insight. Though, I'm not sure how he is doing right now, as that just was a messy burning bridge that fell into a lake filled with acid and never to be rebuilt again. Complex, yes. Perhaps when I have an encounter that will bring me to write a story about Mr. OC, we'll go back and revisit the situation, analyze the results, conclude with some charts and close that chapter. Until then, Mr. OC will remain in the back of my mind -- like that little bird that told you that secret you really weren't supposed to know about.

Golden Rule of the Day:

The undergraduate Dean once said, your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part. People should learn that. QUICK. But I guess that doesn't apply until I make the six figures... soon enough, just soon enough...

Office Love... xoxo

Due to popular demand, I decided to edit a part of my personal life's experiences on this blog. Most of my good friends, if not all have been aware of these challenges, and no matter anyone says, office dating is really not a good idea or smart...

As you may have read, younger consultant has been in and out of the picture for some time now. Let's revisit where it all started, where it has gone, and the current situation. Shall we?

The initial meeting was a brief introduction by one of the co-workers. We'll call him young grasshopper. The actual first encounter was lunch one afternoon. A few of us in the office made plans to take advantage of the nice September summer we were experiencing and took a walk down to the water for lunch. Amazing views and the sun beating down on our pale, cubical inflicted tans -- we sat and enjoyed a nice lunch. My impression of young consultant was far from something I would call magical. I thought, "Ew - you have 2nd agenda written all over your face and btw, she (co-worker, let's call her Galinda) has a boyfriend." Needless to say, I was far from impressed and actually quite disgusted and annoyed after lunch.

The somehow, the tune of the song changed and things went from sour to slightly sweet with a hint of spice and mystery all in one. A commute one afternoon changed the tune I heard coming out of his mouth. I was on my way into the office on day, lugging all of my weekend getaway things through the door (duffel bag) as he saw me and asked why in the world I was carrying the bag around. I had a weekend trip with my college roommates and was beyond excited since I had not really had a vacation since work started besides Hawaii and Seattle earlier in June and July. I just needed to get away - from the rain, my parents and work. He offered commute with me to my destination to meet my friend who I would be carpooling with. I'm bad at saying "no", so I just agreed. The end of the day came and we began our commute, with his dad walking slightly ahead. Imagine, a first date, with DAD driving ... that is how this whole situation felt. Not bad, just awkward. During the commute, we talked about our passions, interests and goals in life. It was the beginning of more than just an acquaintance. relationship.

Time passes, we all got together for happy hour and had a great time! Galinda and Young Consultant, let's just call him YC had a blast at the end of the table making our own judgments and random comments about everything we could think of. At the end of the night, YC said he had plans that got canceled, so we somehow ended up just having dinner. I think I just said, "do you just want to grab a bite to eat?" And we did. The best roast beef and whatever else we had that night ... made our drunk stomachs happy and satisfied. That weekend he was headed on a vacation with his family and we were supposed to get together for dinner with a few others that had to get rescheduled. But thought nothing of it.

More time passes, we have dinner at Galinda's. Dinner plans were only made for 4 of us, since I thought, "WOW! These people I can be friends with outside of work. How great is this???" Galinda, YC, and we can call him... Fox - not because he is foxy, but because he is more sly than the average Joe... made plans, bought food and wine and decided it would be a good idea in the middle of the week to relax. 3 hours later, with complaints up the wazoo from Fox and playing King's Cup with wine (without king's cup), and 4 bottles of wine later, we were ... lost causes. The conversation was diverted back to college nights - let's keep this PG, but I'll just reference "baseball" and hopefully you'll catch my drift. That night, I found out YC is a social smoker. What a gross habit!

YC and I had a very compelling conversation on the way home about him not being able to commit to a girl. And I thought and expressed that for most guys, it takes the right girl for you to make that commitment and that changes once she walks into your life. Well, whatever else we talked about, I really don't recall. But life goes on and so did the night.

NEVER drink that much wine in such a short period, or do it on a Wednesday night. BAD IDEA. We showed up to work in pain and very much so wearing our baggy eyes and headaches on our facial expressions. Coffee in hand, we ran into the manager. GREAT. What am impression.

Flash forward to November. I had a meeting with my manager about goals. And he asks if I like YC. You can read more about it from an earlier post. But rumors circulate, and all of a sudden I am dating him. He caught on since cube neighbor straight up asked if he and I were going on a coffee date one morning. Though, yes he was waiting for me and yes we were going to coffee, highly inappropriate!

This is where things get complicated: YC is the kind of guy that I could see myself settling down with. I see myself with someone with high aspirations and high goals but there is one problem - shallow as this may sound, I can't settle for short. Not that I am that tall, but he's really not that tall. He's just... not. Does that sound incredibly awkward? I have a three musketeer group, me and two of my extremely great guy friends... and even they think I need to loosen up on that one, but a 5'10" requirement doesn't seem that out of ballpark... well, maybe. But I really found someone who I connect with and get along with... until I saw the true colors.

1. Guys always have a second agenda. In the office, out of the office. They just have an agenda.

2. They want, what they can't have. And when they figure that out, they'll just settle.

3. Women are always right :)

Okay, now I'm just making generalizations... so please, no angry comments, but YC did some things I really didn't see as being smart. 1. If you offer to help me on something, please do not charge me on it AFTER the fact and not tell me, 2. Don't put on grumpy pants to work. Keep your grumpy pants at home or warn me before so I can have some defense mechanism in place to deal with you that day, 3. Talking about your women doesn't impress anyone. Maybe other guys, but not girls. And if you are trying to make me jealous, I am not biting the bait.

You can see that I have gotten less passionate as this blog continues. We went out for drinks for my birthday, dinner afterwards and had a lovely time. I knew we were always just friends, and I just let the inner office gossip get the best of me. He and his "girl" friend have been spending nights together and you know, that's a-ok. A strictly 8-5, Monday through Friday relationship is great and if we do occasionally do something else, why not - the more the merrier! But nothing that will make or break my day or my heart.

YC's dad took me out to lunch for the holidays and that was the buzz of the office, the manager asked YC if he "liked" another person in our office (for kicks and giggles?) and YC replied, "I don't need any more rumors of me going around, thanks"... and I've just moved on. It was fun and brought me back to high school while it lasted.

To sum it all up. Inner office dating or office dating is only a good idea when 1. they do not work in your office at ALL, maybe you work on the 1st floor and he on the 30th... 2. when the office culture is not dated from the 1900's, and 3. you are not the type of person to hold a grudge or be awkward if things go sour. There are other points, those are just the one that came to mind first.

But for some, this is the up and coming trend... see the news article I found online:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/11/11/CMG3SQRHM.DTL

Is your job my job too???

This is like the TV show, best week ever... or week in review?

This week was definitely an interesting one. I went into work with an amazing outlook of what I could do, how I could move forward and define my role and responsibilities and everything else in between. I walked into my 10am meeting with my 'new supervisor', only to find out half way through our meeting, she did not know why we were meeting (even though an agenda was set and I had emailed her asking if there were any items that she needed or wanted me to include, and that things were not finalized in terms of whether or not she would be my supervisor). "Great" - I thought. The meeting was successful -- I was at least able to update her and catch her up to what was going on with my program i spend most of my time managing, recruiting opportunities, and also I found out that I would be filling in for her (in her business analyst role) when she would be on a 3 week vacation/ or simply when she "didn't have the time to do the work".

My day after that was just preparing for the afternoon meeting with my manager, a supervisor now (since I had no idea who I reported to) and my director. The meeting, rescheduled to 2:30, then got pushed to 7:30am in the morning. And although an agenda was set, this meeting push back was a blessing in disguise b/c apparently my manager had other points he wanted me to speak about that were not "included" in the meeting request. I marched back to my desk, ready with PowerPoint and created a kick-butt presentation... though I stayed until 6:30 that night and had to come in at 7 to prep myself, I knew that this hard work could potentially earn me at least some credit since I seem to have been a wandering lost soul for the last 6 months.

I emailed the presentation to my manager, asking for any feedback he may want to give me before I actually walked in with presentation the next morning (upon his request) and I arrived promptly at 7am, strong coffee in hand, to find out he just said "thanks" to my presentation and didn't offer any comments or if he would even provide any before our meeting. I got up to see if his door was open and he did not arrive to the office until 7:25, as I was walking to the meeting around the corner. I was a little shocked that he had a window of 5 minutes to spare before the meeting STARTED and he just waltz through the door. I made copies for everyone in the meeting and one extra, and thank goodness because we had an extra person join us who I was not aware about. I dressed the part, blazer, button down collar shirt and nicely creased pants - ready to go and in action. The presentation went over smoothly - so smoothly that at the end of it, I received an acknowledgment for my efforts in quantifying something that no one had ever looked into doing for the last 12 years. My wild and crazy idea, turned out to be a good start for the program's future.

Later that day, I found out I would be included in a number of other projects including one right now where I am able to sit in to meetings with consultants regarding a project we may be bidding out. Though my role is just taking minutes and offering my view (since I had never been involved in such a process), it is very eye opening and almost exciting to see where I could have been if I had continued down my path in the consultant interviews and if I got hired and took a job there, versus where I am now and the things that a company of this caliber has in a meeting.

Now the juicy, Days of Our Lives stuff.

Thursday, a few of my co-workers went out to lunch together, while I was in a meeting. Apparently older consultant dad of younger consultant, who I have been "linked" to outside of work all had a chat of whether or not he had a girlfriend, if so, who she was, and if she "happened to work at the company" business that really shouldn't be discussed during an 8 to 5 timeframe. That was minimal damage.

I found out tonight about where I got "ranked", and how that works for our annual raises. The rank I got I think is equvilant of getting a C in a class. The lowest you can get ranked to get a bonus. The 2 lowest ranking individuals actually got their pink slip - not something I hope always happens, but happens in corporate America in this horrible time in the market. Here are were the cuts begin. And the worst part was, it seems as though since roles were not clearly defined to begin with, goals were not set with the multiple transitions of supervisors that I had -- had really hurt my chances of achieving more than the average (which you may know, average isn't really apart of my vocabulary...) AND if they like you, you may get ranked higher. So not AGAIN based on merit, just on how "cool" you are. I felt as though I got back to being in the 8th grade... or high school for popularity polls. Only one person can be named "most popular" and are you it?

In the book Basic Black, Cathie Black gives advice on individuals entering a new workforce as to "understanding your roles and responsibilities". I think it has a two way path - one, the manager, supervisor, whoever is in charge of the individual's performance should take the time out to explain these things to the new employee. What is the year end/mid year review process like? What are the criteria that someone can follow to do well? What do they do just to get by? What can jeopardize your job security etc. Perhaps not in all this detail, but either provide resources or point us in the right direction. Telling us that "this doesn't matter", isn't going to help you and your employees are a reflection of yourself. Like kids are often times reflections of their parents and the environment they grow up in, employees are a reflection of their supervisor/manager because how they perform can sometimes mean how well they are being managed, not micro-managed per say, but managed in an overall sense.

So, yes, I am disappointed in how I came out in the ranking system, but glad that I do have something to shoot for in the coming months. Yet this afternoon when I spoke with my manager and said "by the way, i am a little confused, i am not sure who my supervisor is..." he said, "yes, you don't have one... yet. so me for now..." WAS NOT VERY REASSURING in ANY SENSE. I was highly disappointed in his behavior in our meetings with our consultants, professionalism is not at ALL in his exceeds category on a ranking scale, and the worst yet, we cannot rank our managers/supervisors...which maybe I am naive and think that we should have the same opportunities to express how we feel we are being managed, because where are their P&Q's?? What standard do they have to follow? Is there none? Is it really a one way street and I am trying to go down the other way, while dodging cars and people coming at me in all directions?

Dog eat dog - it is all about getting ahead and leaving others in the dust. It's not about empowering or developing your employees right now with my manager, it's about how he can stay in the lime light for as long as he can and take advantage of all of the "kudos" before someone sees what the real story is. It is just so unfortunate because I feel like I work so hard to make him look good, or at least I try my best to present to him things that would possibly make me stand out as an employee, but when push comes to shove, there is incomplete information given to me, I sometimes wish I had a six sense to read people's minds in what they are looking for in whatever they are requesting or not -- and then say that they did... and wonder how the world turns...

No complaints. Just lots of interesting facts put together. Deja-vu today in our consultant meeting this morning... and getting ahead right now is really finding out who I report to, how I can define goals for myself as soon as they announce dept. changes, and how to keep my job! (My friend who is a new hire in another group got let go of and I found out Thursday that it was also her last day). Retention right now at the company of new hires is probably at a low point, though I am unsure of the statistics... and this market, more volatile than I really care for...

This is the worst it can get... right??

More recent emails, now edited for blogs... My tune is very different at this point, almost a jaded feel...

January 2008

Now on to the interesting stuff! We are currently going through what the company likes to call "re-org". I know a department that got severance packages and I believe our department is going through some changes as well. We just celebrated our 6 month anniversary with the start of the company, and this begins my 4th supervisor that I have gotten handed off to. At first, I was a little distraught. Actually, it only happened 3 hours ago, so I am still a little distraught, but I am hoping this is a blessing in disguise. We had year end reviews, and unfortunately, I didn't meet my goals, partially because my goals listed were not at all relevant to my position specifically and had to have a talk with my manager (who was up until today my supervisor) about these issues. I've noticed that things just get brushed under the rug at big corporations unless you are the squeeky wheel. But so far, my record with supervisors isn't as great as I had hoped: my first supervisor got dismissed; the former Director (who was my supervisor at one point) left because he was charging his travel to the department's charges (though he wasn't supposed to - hence why he was still commuting from out of state); my manager (who rumor has it will not be a director... next paragraph) and now the new supervisor (who interviewed me for my current role, was an admin 2 years ago - to supervisor...). I even asked if this was a world record because I've had a supervisor no longer than 2 months each.

I heard about office gossip and drama from just observing during my internships. But I did not know it would get to this point, this extent in my personal life. A handful of us new hires started together and *he* wasn't one of them. He works for his dad who is a consultant for the company. Well, he's more of a permanent consultant than what a traditional consultant would be considered as. He joined a project in the department and that is how we got ot know him. He just graduated with a business degree and took the opportunity his dad presented to him. Great exposure, just... working and living with Dad is a lot to handle in my opinion. We all started hanging out, and then a few months down the line, I heard a rumor that I was dating him. To my shock, the rumor turned out to have started from my manager. He asked me in my career development plan meeting if I "liked" him. I interpreted it from an employee stand point. I think I should have clarified before I answered because the next thing I knew it, everyone was going up to us and asking us when we had made it official. I would said, the icing on the cake is when his dad got involved and took me out to lunch. That was the straw that broke the camel's back because everyone wanted in on the juicy news. And the only thing we were ever seen doing, was going to coffee, lunch and the occasional chat break. If you keep up with the MTV show The Hills, we are Lauren and Brody. So in a nutshell -- we are definitely back in high school, we're just older, with paychecks and more stylish clothes.

My program, still going slow. They are thinking of rebidding the program to a different vendor. But having been with the company for a little over 6 months, I've officially hit a slump. My motivation level has slightly decreased this week as I have come to the realization that there are a lot of folks that just "go to work to pay the bills" and do not strive for anything more than that. And yes, even in college, I did realize that there were those who just went to class and went through the motions of "being a student" but I thought in the real world things would get different and everyone would have that stamina to get somewhere with their career. I was wrong. So now that I feel "lost in the shuffle", I am attempting to regain my speed to make something of my career... before something else happens. I think I just don't know where to go since I've had so many what we can call "transitions" -- I've just been tossed around like a tomato in a salad.

Advice from a friendly, still young co-worker was that I should ask for some one-on-one time with our new Director since November, just for some exposure and to express any interest I have in the department moving forward. The problem is, I still feel lost/not as informed as I want to be... and not sure where I fit in. I understand somewhat to how the whole organization works, but when actions are opposite of what they are telling us to do, or should be doing, I have a hard time believing the hypocrisy that appears in front of my eyes. I was offered an opportunity (sort of) to help with a new initiative, from the same co-worker who advised me to meet with the Director. I think this will be the next big thing since sliced bread, and green is everywhere, but for some reason, I hesitate. I think it is a wonderful opportunity, but since nothing in the organization at this point is defined, I am just hoping I don't become just another tumbleweed blowing in the wind.

I feel as though life totally changed in the last 6 months. Junior consultant and I discussed how we used to plan our lives out by the quarter/semester and that is as far as we needed to think. Now we have to plan in years -- which is a great amount of time to think ahead (it feels like it). I envy the students right now who are still in school, and I can't tell them enough to enjoy their time in the bubble of school! And yes, networking is wonderous :)

Real World... WOWzers

You can start to see my voice and ethusiasm die down by this email...

October 2007

Let's start off with the crazy stuff that started happening with my supervisor. She no longer works for the company. I think she would have benefited much from taking the class on ethics in the business world. After the no shows at work and countless other violations of everything I feel like I learned in that class, she was gone and no where to be found by the end of September. This end result left me to be supervisor-less. So then I thought this was a blessing in disguise, as I were to report to my Director. Great exposure. Great ability to show him what I can really do. Oh wait. He's leaving too! He commutes from out of state every week and I think the two year run was enough on his plate. Plus, I'm not sure how much he had to do with my supervisor leaving. Nevertheless, we met today, and concluded, again, I will be mentor/supervisor/one woman show here until further notice.

Which probably brings me to point number three... I don't think common sense was a subject taught in college. But I generally feel as though most of the students I encountered at school had some common sense. I feel as though sometimes the work place can get so hectic that common sense is the first thing that flies out the door. We have some consultants at our company, and all of sudden, a bunch of them get yanked from the project that basically affects the ENTIRE company's well-being, and the lovely consulting firm decides during the first week and a half of implementation, that it would be a good idea to reassign those who were the pilots of this ship we are on. I think I see an iceberg... and we're headed towards it! I think that sentence is a summary of how my department feels right now. Either way, I think common sense lacked.

On a side note, things are going well with networking! I must say, that being involved probably helped me a lot in getting over my fear of meeting people from all walks of life. I am running for a couple of vice president positions in the association I am apart of and headed up a committee for 2008. But what is great is one of my co-workers is running for president of the association and she was basically endorsed by the Board of the association to be their slated president... so it's a face lift for the association as well as the executive board. But she has been a great role model and very successful thus far in her career of only 2.5 years so far!

In terms of my co-workers, I've seemed to have noticed that it is evident who among us new hires were involved in school and activities while others went to school, studied and went home. I think it is in the way we communicate with one another and the mindset we each possess about getting involved in the company, doing something a little extra, and just know that the time invested in something that is often times irreplaceable, but what you put in and often times what you get from it. Although working at company is not a mandatory x number of hours of overtime, there are days that are long just because of the things that come up during the day. I've noticed that those extra hours put people in a bad mood -- that rubs everyone else around them in a not so fun way.

But I must say, I miss school tremendously. I think I miss the daily interaction of the professors I had that truly cared about how you performed, wanted you to learn as much as you could, but most importantly, gave you advice that you could take or leave -- but gave you advice. I think in the working world, it is more of a process to seek out than to really have it handed to you on a silver platter as sometimes is offered in the syllabus in the beginning of the semester, but as all grads say, some days, I do wish I were back in school -- minus the homework. :)

I am reading Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office and the Bamboo Ceiling. Quite interesting books related to business and success... I think I will be reading a lot more since it seems to shed light on everything that happens in the office on a daily basis. Currently involved with planning my trips for the rest of the year, so I can have sanity during the weekends away from work and the hectic city ... and one of my co-workers and I joke about how we can take over the world... we're like Pinky and the Brain from the Anamanics (Spelling...)! We each get wine, cheese and crackers from the other if we win.

Only the Beginnings

These were previous emails I had written now edited for a blogger's read.

July 2007:

The Workshop was amazing! It was probably the best 2 days I've spent team building with a department that I've ever worked for! We were able to really get down into details with identifying the work styles that we have, the personalities that we each possess and then we were able to express appreciation for each other through different group sessions. It was a very worthwhile presentation. It was very powerful and for a student who doesn't know where to go, or what direction they want to take, this gives them some insight to who they are and how they can find their passion through that outlet.

Work has picked up! I am currently the program policy. That sounds a little funky, but I am currently in the process of identifying those who have violated our policy - and compile some data to send to my supervisor and manager about these folks... and now I may get a badge and police hat to go along with this role! Quite exciting! But the majority of my work will be the analyzing of the data. And as cheesy as this sounds, the Strategy class in the business school really taught me how to handle "board room/meeting" situations. We have been meeting with clients, and I learned (in college) to come prepared. Today we had a meeting with a smaller client and my direct supervisor, had to step out to take a call from a VP. For 30 minutes, I was left alone with these two... somewhat intimidating business women. But I had a list of things I wanted them to review because although I do not have the final say with regards to what company we ultimately go with, I would be the one running the reports, identifying bugs, and making sense of all the mumble jumble to my bosses, and their bosses. I don't think I would have been AS prepared if I hadn't had the experience of breakout sessions that the professor had us do on a weekly basis with our simulation groups - because to save time and be efficient, you had to be prepared! :)

Today, I contacted the recruiter - who was mainly in touch with myself, to see if a new hire orientation/networking event could occur. I offered to help, but was shot down... well, he said, "I'll let you know if any updates happen..." meaning, it's on the back burner. My next attempt, is I want to maybe just get a list -- and contact them on my own. I ran this idea by my manager, since he was in the meeting where this whole topic came up, actually, I mentioned it at lunch to a co-worker who took the idea to HR when he met with them and my manager on the recruiting team... but either way, it's really exciting! I really hope we get to build a strong network of new hires, because I know at other Fortune 500's, they put a lot of emphasis on the groups that you started the company with.