More recent emails, now edited for blogs... My tune is very different at this point, almost a jaded feel...
January 2008
Now on to the interesting stuff! We are currently going through what the company likes to call "re-org". I know a department that got severance packages and I believe our department is going through some changes as well. We just celebrated our 6 month anniversary with the start of the company, and this begins my 4th supervisor that I have gotten handed off to. At first, I was a little distraught. Actually, it only happened 3 hours ago, so I am still a little distraught, but I am hoping this is a blessing in disguise. We had year end reviews, and unfortunately, I didn't meet my goals, partially because my goals listed were not at all relevant to my position specifically and had to have a talk with my manager (who was up until today my supervisor) about these issues. I've noticed that things just get brushed under the rug at big corporations unless you are the squeeky wheel. But so far, my record with supervisors isn't as great as I had hoped: my first supervisor got dismissed; the former Director (who was my supervisor at one point) left because he was charging his travel to the department's charges (though he wasn't supposed to - hence why he was still commuting from out of state); my manager (who rumor has it will not be a director... next paragraph) and now the new supervisor (who interviewed me for my current role, was an admin 2 years ago - to supervisor...). I even asked if this was a world record because I've had a supervisor no longer than 2 months each.
I heard about office gossip and drama from just observing during my internships. But I did not know it would get to this point, this extent in my personal life. A handful of us new hires started together and *he* wasn't one of them. He works for his dad who is a consultant for the company. Well, he's more of a permanent consultant than what a traditional consultant would be considered as. He joined a project in the department and that is how we got ot know him. He just graduated with a business degree and took the opportunity his dad presented to him. Great exposure, just... working and living with Dad is a lot to handle in my opinion. We all started hanging out, and then a few months down the line, I heard a rumor that I was dating him. To my shock, the rumor turned out to have started from my manager. He asked me in my career development plan meeting if I "liked" him. I interpreted it from an employee stand point. I think I should have clarified before I answered because the next thing I knew it, everyone was going up to us and asking us when we had made it official. I would said, the icing on the cake is when his dad got involved and took me out to lunch. That was the straw that broke the camel's back because everyone wanted in on the juicy news. And the only thing we were ever seen doing, was going to coffee, lunch and the occasional chat break. If you keep up with the MTV show The Hills, we are Lauren and Brody. So in a nutshell -- we are definitely back in high school, we're just older, with paychecks and more stylish clothes.
My program, still going slow. They are thinking of rebidding the program to a different vendor. But having been with the company for a little over 6 months, I've officially hit a slump. My motivation level has slightly decreased this week as I have come to the realization that there are a lot of folks that just "go to work to pay the bills" and do not strive for anything more than that. And yes, even in college, I did realize that there were those who just went to class and went through the motions of "being a student" but I thought in the real world things would get different and everyone would have that stamina to get somewhere with their career. I was wrong. So now that I feel "lost in the shuffle", I am attempting to regain my speed to make something of my career... before something else happens. I think I just don't know where to go since I've had so many what we can call "transitions" -- I've just been tossed around like a tomato in a salad.
Advice from a friendly, still young co-worker was that I should ask for some one-on-one time with our new Director since November, just for some exposure and to express any interest I have in the department moving forward. The problem is, I still feel lost/not as informed as I want to be... and not sure where I fit in. I understand somewhat to how the whole organization works, but when actions are opposite of what they are telling us to do, or should be doing, I have a hard time believing the hypocrisy that appears in front of my eyes. I was offered an opportunity (sort of) to help with a new initiative, from the same co-worker who advised me to meet with the Director. I think this will be the next big thing since sliced bread, and green is everywhere, but for some reason, I hesitate. I think it is a wonderful opportunity, but since nothing in the organization at this point is defined, I am just hoping I don't become just another tumbleweed blowing in the wind.
I feel as though life totally changed in the last 6 months. Junior consultant and I discussed how we used to plan our lives out by the quarter/semester and that is as far as we needed to think. Now we have to plan in years -- which is a great amount of time to think ahead (it feels like it). I envy the students right now who are still in school, and I can't tell them enough to enjoy their time in the bubble of school! And yes, networking is wonderous :)
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