Due to popular demand, I decided to edit a part of my personal life's experiences on this blog. Most of my good friends, if not all have been aware of these challenges, and no matter anyone says, office dating is really not a good idea or smart...
As you may have read, younger consultant has been in and out of the picture for some time now. Let's revisit where it all started, where it has gone, and the current situation. Shall we?
The initial meeting was a brief introduction by one of the co-workers. We'll call him young grasshopper. The actual first encounter was lunch one afternoon. A few of us in the office made plans to take advantage of the nice September summer we were experiencing and took a walk down to the water for lunch. Amazing views and the sun beating down on our pale, cubical inflicted tans -- we sat and enjoyed a nice lunch. My impression of young consultant was far from something I would call magical. I thought, "Ew - you have 2nd agenda written all over your face and btw, she (co-worker, let's call her Galinda) has a boyfriend." Needless to say, I was far from impressed and actually quite disgusted and annoyed after lunch.
The somehow, the tune of the song changed and things went from sour to slightly sweet with a hint of spice and mystery all in one. A commute one afternoon changed the tune I heard coming out of his mouth. I was on my way into the office on day, lugging all of my weekend getaway things through the door (duffel bag) as he saw me and asked why in the world I was carrying the bag around. I had a weekend trip with my college roommates and was beyond excited since I had not really had a vacation since work started besides Hawaii and Seattle earlier in June and July. I just needed to get away - from the rain, my parents and work. He offered commute with me to my destination to meet my friend who I would be carpooling with. I'm bad at saying "no", so I just agreed. The end of the day came and we began our commute, with his dad walking slightly ahead. Imagine, a first date, with DAD driving ... that is how this whole situation felt. Not bad, just awkward. During the commute, we talked about our passions, interests and goals in life. It was the beginning of more than just an acquaintance. relationship.
Time passes, we all got together for happy hour and had a great time! Galinda and Young Consultant, let's just call him YC had a blast at the end of the table making our own judgments and random comments about everything we could think of. At the end of the night, YC said he had plans that got canceled, so we somehow ended up just having dinner. I think I just said, "do you just want to grab a bite to eat?" And we did. The best roast beef and whatever else we had that night ... made our drunk stomachs happy and satisfied. That weekend he was headed on a vacation with his family and we were supposed to get together for dinner with a few others that had to get rescheduled. But thought nothing of it.
More time passes, we have dinner at Galinda's. Dinner plans were only made for 4 of us, since I thought, "WOW! These people I can be friends with outside of work. How great is this???" Galinda, YC, and we can call him... Fox - not because he is foxy, but because he is more sly than the average Joe... made plans, bought food and wine and decided it would be a good idea in the middle of the week to relax. 3 hours later, with complaints up the wazoo from Fox and playing King's Cup with wine (without king's cup), and 4 bottles of wine later, we were ... lost causes. The conversation was diverted back to college nights - let's keep this PG, but I'll just reference "baseball" and hopefully you'll catch my drift. That night, I found out YC is a social smoker. What a gross habit!
YC and I had a very compelling conversation on the way home about him not being able to commit to a girl. And I thought and expressed that for most guys, it takes the right girl for you to make that commitment and that changes once she walks into your life. Well, whatever else we talked about, I really don't recall. But life goes on and so did the night.
NEVER drink that much wine in such a short period, or do it on a Wednesday night. BAD IDEA. We showed up to work in pain and very much so wearing our baggy eyes and headaches on our facial expressions. Coffee in hand, we ran into the manager. GREAT. What am impression.
Flash forward to November. I had a meeting with my manager about goals. And he asks if I like YC. You can read more about it from an earlier post. But rumors circulate, and all of a sudden I am dating him. He caught on since cube neighbor straight up asked if he and I were going on a coffee date one morning. Though, yes he was waiting for me and yes we were going to coffee, highly inappropriate!
This is where things get complicated: YC is the kind of guy that I could see myself settling down with. I see myself with someone with high aspirations and high goals but there is one problem - shallow as this may sound, I can't settle for short. Not that I am that tall, but he's really not that tall. He's just... not. Does that sound incredibly awkward? I have a three musketeer group, me and two of my extremely great guy friends... and even they think I need to loosen up on that one, but a 5'10" requirement doesn't seem that out of ballpark... well, maybe. But I really found someone who I connect with and get along with... until I saw the true colors.
1. Guys always have a second agenda. In the office, out of the office. They just have an agenda.
2. They want, what they can't have. And when they figure that out, they'll just settle.
3. Women are always right :)
Okay, now I'm just making generalizations... so please, no angry comments, but YC did some things I really didn't see as being smart. 1. If you offer to help me on something, please do not charge me on it AFTER the fact and not tell me, 2. Don't put on grumpy pants to work. Keep your grumpy pants at home or warn me before so I can have some defense mechanism in place to deal with you that day, 3. Talking about your women doesn't impress anyone. Maybe other guys, but not girls. And if you are trying to make me jealous, I am not biting the bait.
You can see that I have gotten less passionate as this blog continues. We went out for drinks for my birthday, dinner afterwards and had a lovely time. I knew we were always just friends, and I just let the inner office gossip get the best of me. He and his "girl" friend have been spending nights together and you know, that's a-ok. A strictly 8-5, Monday through Friday relationship is great and if we do occasionally do something else, why not - the more the merrier! But nothing that will make or break my day or my heart.
YC's dad took me out to lunch for the holidays and that was the buzz of the office, the manager asked YC if he "liked" another person in our office (for kicks and giggles?) and YC replied, "I don't need any more rumors of me going around, thanks"... and I've just moved on. It was fun and brought me back to high school while it lasted.
To sum it all up. Inner office dating or office dating is only a good idea when 1. they do not work in your office at ALL, maybe you work on the 1st floor and he on the 30th... 2. when the office culture is not dated from the 1900's, and 3. you are not the type of person to hold a grudge or be awkward if things go sour. There are other points, those are just the one that came to mind first.
But for some, this is the up and coming trend... see the news article I found online:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/11/11/CMG3SQRHM.DTL
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