They said it couldn't be true, that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. But this is a fairy tale come true, because good things do come to those who wait.
From last year to this year, a lot of things happened in my life. Some for the worse and some for the better. All in all, everything balanced itself out and I am incredibly lucky to be in the position I am in today given all of the turmoil that's occurred over the last 18 months.
I was honored for 2 awards at work - which was incredibly shocking and such a humbling experience. Who knew that all of the complaining I did at one point on this blog would all pay off? Who knew?!
I got a new job. Yes, a new job! Working for 2 people who are not only incredibly smart and well respected, but engaging and truly the best bosses you could ever have. I seriously look forward to going to work every day! (Cheesy? Nah!)
And I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Sure, I worked for someone who took credit for my work, got in B-School with the credit from the work that I did, manipulated situations that no manager should ever even consider and single handedly ruined an entire team's morale, all within 6 months. Issues had been building up for months before that, but recently, everything came to a crashing halt and finally a straw broke the camel's back.
I believe in karma. I believe that if you are a good person this does not shield you away from bad things that could happen to you. But I also believe that if you work hard, try your best, and always put your best foot forward, your time will come. Whether it is today, tomorrow or 5 years from now.
I never would have imagined to love my job. I never would have imaged to work for someone I truly admire and want to be like one day. I just never though Corporate America would have anything of this to offer me.
But here it is. And I am glad I am here now.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Growing Painfully
I don't reread my blogs after I've written them, so often times I revisit thoughts I've had in the past or feel like the past relives itself.
I'm at a crossroads. I'm not quite sure how I add value to the organization or if what I am doing benefits anyone but the person that is telling me to do what I do. Sadly, I'm highly unmotivated to get the job done. Somewhat uncharacteristic of the typical 'me', but I feel like everyone who is in my shoes right now feels about the same. To some extent, IS THIS what I signed up for after college?????
They don't teach you about "stereotypes" and how to "overcome" these stereotypes in college. They don't teach you the downfalls of Corporate America. There are a LOT OF THINGS I wish college taught me before getting into the real world. And even if I didn't listen completely the first time, at least it would have sounded familiar the second time around!
I'm not the "I LOVE TO LEARN" student. I'm also not the "EVERYDAY IS A SUNNY DAY" person either. I'm quite the "dark cloud that follows me around" type of person and every once in a while, a streak of sunshine breaks through... that just sounded so depressing.
I'm at a loss. I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do.
At the end of my day, where is my skill set? Apparently far from where it should be judging from where others are with the same amount of years of experience. But is there a place for me in Corporate America? Or should I just settle for the "i'll be your bitch" kind of a job for the rest of my life. Although, I'm sure this would be easy for a few months, I'd get sick and tired of the being bossed around and want to move onto something new.
Maybe I'll win the lotto.
Someone told me I was going through my quarter life crisis. I think that someone was right.
2 years ago I was an incredibly motivated worker bee. Now I'm just trying to survive.
I'm at a crossroads. I'm not quite sure how I add value to the organization or if what I am doing benefits anyone but the person that is telling me to do what I do. Sadly, I'm highly unmotivated to get the job done. Somewhat uncharacteristic of the typical 'me', but I feel like everyone who is in my shoes right now feels about the same. To some extent, IS THIS what I signed up for after college?????
They don't teach you about "stereotypes" and how to "overcome" these stereotypes in college. They don't teach you the downfalls of Corporate America. There are a LOT OF THINGS I wish college taught me before getting into the real world. And even if I didn't listen completely the first time, at least it would have sounded familiar the second time around!
I'm not the "I LOVE TO LEARN" student. I'm also not the "EVERYDAY IS A SUNNY DAY" person either. I'm quite the "dark cloud that follows me around" type of person and every once in a while, a streak of sunshine breaks through... that just sounded so depressing.
I'm at a loss. I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do.
At the end of my day, where is my skill set? Apparently far from where it should be judging from where others are with the same amount of years of experience. But is there a place for me in Corporate America? Or should I just settle for the "i'll be your bitch" kind of a job for the rest of my life. Although, I'm sure this would be easy for a few months, I'd get sick and tired of the being bossed around and want to move onto something new.
Maybe I'll win the lotto.
Someone told me I was going through my quarter life crisis. I think that someone was right.
2 years ago I was an incredibly motivated worker bee. Now I'm just trying to survive.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Karma.
I truly believe people have good intentions in their hearts. But time and time again, I've learned that this is not true. Not only in personal relationships, but professional ones as well.
It's business. And I can't take things personally.
Right.
It's business. And I can't take things personally.
Right.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Bad Writer
There's nothing more refreshing than a slap in the face from your boss. It's the kicker in your week - when things are going just dandy, and then you get that email, filled with enthusiasm at first glance but after reading in between the lines, is really an email scolding you for your bad work.
I apologize ahead of time for my bad writing, misspelling and grammar mistakes. That is #1 on my need to fix list - amongst other things that have been identified.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate when someone points this out but in the same breath, I almost feel like I just need to crawl under a rock and start all over before I am allowed to resurface to see the day of light.
A recap of the month - I got lectured for needing to work harder (which I admit, was needed). But I think the underlying problem at hand is... I haven't the slightest clue on what I want to do for a career anymore. I thought I knew, but in reality, I have NO idea. I don't know what I want... the only thing I know is I want to be successful... at whatever I end up doing. Is this normal to come across this uncertainty? Or is it just me.
Back to work I go, but I thought I'd share this thought before I forgot it. I've forgotten a lot of things lately, like grammar skills.
Action Items... enroll in a writing class.
I apologize ahead of time for my bad writing, misspelling and grammar mistakes. That is #1 on my need to fix list - amongst other things that have been identified.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate when someone points this out but in the same breath, I almost feel like I just need to crawl under a rock and start all over before I am allowed to resurface to see the day of light.
A recap of the month - I got lectured for needing to work harder (which I admit, was needed). But I think the underlying problem at hand is... I haven't the slightest clue on what I want to do for a career anymore. I thought I knew, but in reality, I have NO idea. I don't know what I want... the only thing I know is I want to be successful... at whatever I end up doing. Is this normal to come across this uncertainty? Or is it just me.
Back to work I go, but I thought I'd share this thought before I forgot it. I've forgotten a lot of things lately, like grammar skills.
Action Items... enroll in a writing class.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Walk the Talk
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ok. I feel better. Not. I've realized that this blog isn't really about happy things. It is about things that really make me tick. I guess that is a form of therapy? Maybe.
Let's start with the bad and then I'll move on to the semi-good.
If you spit all this game, and say you're "the shit" (in my generation's lingo), then you better have something to back it up. Otherwise, you are just all talk. I've learned you can't be all talk in the real world, especially not Corporate America if you want to survive. I've been tasked to handle this project with a newbie, and she's really giving me a run for my money. It's one of those things where if I don't double and triple check my work AND hers, my butt is on the line since my name is attached to the project. And even though we've split up responsibilities and duties, at the end of the day, a team should look out for one another, not just yourself. So I'm stuck in the office for 12+ hours of the day, doing my work AND fixing hers, and it's just really starting to take a toll.
Another though, never lend money to people who are shady. That's a given right?! And realize, that most people will just use you when they need you, and toss you aside when they don't. Feeling the love yet???
Oh, and did I mention, I am working "mandatory" 10 hour days? Lovely. Just lovely.
Okay. The good news. The office of the CEO called and he wants to be involved with our special project/network we're launch. SO AWESOME! The COO is also asking the same thing. Wonderful! We had an awesome meeting with 2 officers, and a couple of directors - which has really put me on the radar of these folks. WOWEE! Now, we just have to get through Thursday...
Lesson learned - never think you are the best thing since sliced bread. You're in for a real surprise...
Ok. I feel better. Not. I've realized that this blog isn't really about happy things. It is about things that really make me tick. I guess that is a form of therapy? Maybe.
Let's start with the bad and then I'll move on to the semi-good.
If you spit all this game, and say you're "the shit" (in my generation's lingo), then you better have something to back it up. Otherwise, you are just all talk. I've learned you can't be all talk in the real world, especially not Corporate America if you want to survive. I've been tasked to handle this project with a newbie, and she's really giving me a run for my money. It's one of those things where if I don't double and triple check my work AND hers, my butt is on the line since my name is attached to the project. And even though we've split up responsibilities and duties, at the end of the day, a team should look out for one another, not just yourself. So I'm stuck in the office for 12+ hours of the day, doing my work AND fixing hers, and it's just really starting to take a toll.
Another though, never lend money to people who are shady. That's a given right?! And realize, that most people will just use you when they need you, and toss you aside when they don't. Feeling the love yet???
Oh, and did I mention, I am working "mandatory" 10 hour days? Lovely. Just lovely.
Okay. The good news. The office of the CEO called and he wants to be involved with our special project/network we're launch. SO AWESOME! The COO is also asking the same thing. Wonderful! We had an awesome meeting with 2 officers, and a couple of directors - which has really put me on the radar of these folks. WOWEE! Now, we just have to get through Thursday...
Lesson learned - never think you are the best thing since sliced bread. You're in for a real surprise...
Monday, July 7, 2008
Soberity
I had an extremely sobering moment today at work that really had reality kick me in the face. I always need a good kicking it seems to really understand the issues at hand.
Happiness is a state of mind. It is something that can be cultivated with the right ingredients and if using rose colored glasses, everything can be as perfect as you want them to be. With that said, this is what I have learned:
I always wondered about consultants and their lives. What drives them. What makes them tick. Why are they the way they are. And how are they successful because of it. I've had my encounters, my experiences - and finally I feel like I've found closure. I am not sure if consulting is the life for me, but if it is, I need to grow a thicker skin and really act like I'm the shit. Forgive my French. But in all reality, I basically I couldn't hack it as a consultant now because I don't believe in “screwing” over a company just to make your bottom line look more attractive, to say that you sold your client this tool, and to leave someone high and dry.
My personal experience is yes, I need to keep my personal life outside of my work. I need to draw that line clear with certain individuals and just let that be a fact. On the other hand, there needs to be a sense of trust that is built – to show that you are truly a team player, to prove yourself to others in your performance. And lastly, to really not let anything be personal – it’s all business. And that is hard. I am a personable kind of person, who yes, has to learn things the hard way, but needs to deal with this the way that it is presented.
My lunch pal, buddy bonded and I’ve found a lot of other connections that I’ve been able to rekindle through this learning process. I am one to want to learn about people, why things are the way they are, and ultimately, I want to understand the world and its inhabitants. I don’t feel like I am at that point and with the one year coming up – YES, in hindsight, I still have a gazillion more years to get to where I need to go… but I think the first year is just as important as your fifth, as your tenth or your 80th. I think it is a matter of perception.
That is the key takeaway. Perception. How you are perceived. How you want to be perceived. And how that gets you to where you need to go. I won’t go into detail on everyone’s ideas that I’ve gotten tonight, but the spectrum is wide and the world is still my oyster… whatever that is supposed to mean in this context…
Something else they don’t teach you in school… How to deal with the Quarterlife Crisis…
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Daydreams
The only thing I've done in the last week is daydream. I haven't daydreamed in maybe 3 years due to some unfortunate circumstances in my life that left me little to "dream" for. It's been a steady 2 months in my new position. I've learned a lot of new lingo and tried to be a sponge and just learn everything, but constantly I feel like all of my work when delivered isn't good enough. Though this is partially to blame of who I directly report to because perfection is her middle name. Others in my department see my work as valuable and actually "good", she just sees me as nothing more than a worker bee who says how high, when she says jump.
I guess I am stuck in that, is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life stage. Not yet near the quarter life crisis, but soon to be there, I am just sitting around each day, doing as I am told, but not really fully understanding if this is my true calling. Watching WALL-E last night was such a tug my on heart strings. I wanted to cry, literally, at the end ... when WALL-E doesn't remember EVE due to all of the things that happened to him in the movie. Robots falling in love on a Friday night with me, crying over them. Now that, is a sad moment...
But at work, Boss Man, as self-fish as I thought he was, I've noticed that most of management just looks out for themselves. It's a dog eat dog world out there and my Oprah attempts to befriend and to get along with others, isn't really something they acknowledge or reward. But it is a human instinct of mine to develop relationships and to embrace them, and I am sorry if that is not acceptable in the business world, but in life, I tend to believe that this is very important and why I am me.
Building relationships is like constructing a building. You have the foundation, the design and the vision. Much like construction, it does not happen over night unless your name is Ty and is the host of Extreme Makeover. Relationships develop over time and grow with experiences, and are tested against hardship and struggle. I am not saying all relationships have struggle because sometimes the mere action of letting someone in and sharing your life with them is enough to bond two people. For example, yesterday was an extremely insightful because someone I met at work, who was the most guarded person since me, opened up and shared his life, his struggle with love, and his passion for a new outlook on life - which made me so happy that he felt compelled to confide in me.
This brings me to my next point. I already made a point about "dating" on this blog somewhere momentarily. Not that YC and I ever dated, we just became really good friends. Though writing without thinking can get me into trouble, as my lunch buddy has constantly brought up - I've noticed that this time, I will process my thoughts before divulging them onto the page.
Another consultant... (man, what is it about them?!) has been with the company for about 3 years implementing this project. Though this project I believe is a complete flop, has turned our company's processes into a joke and our cycle time has tripled since October - we are still spending millions on trying to fix this problem. But this is where I believe in fate and I believe in chance. As I get interrogated by my work mom about this guy, 3 weeks later, we finally have a decent conversation with my initial introduction of myself. To make a long story short, I do not take chances with people that I know can hurt me. I don't stick my neck out on the line or even take things to the next level like carrying a "normal" conversation with them because in a sense, I feel that if I let my guard down a little, I will somehow end up the victim.
Going back to work - so why do people care if I am simply conversing with this consultant? It is because work is like high school. Work is gossip. Work is just a bad place sometimes because we spend so much time together and at the end of the day, life is more interesting when you have soap operatic moments, then when you sit at your desk for hours on end, by yourself, in silence. I know next week can be filled with drama. Only because lunch is a 5 letter word with the meaning of "date" embedded in it.
Working. Am I truly happy with what I have stumbled upon? Not sure. I still envision a life where I can work with people and do something with relationships and plan events and be creative. Though I am being creative now, it's just "never good enough" which gets me every single day.
To my point, I've daydreamed about this consultant. I've daydreamed about a new career. And I've daydreamed about the last years of college. I need to dream up of something fast... or else another year will have gone by, and I still will be writing these thoughts on this page...
I guess I am stuck in that, is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life stage. Not yet near the quarter life crisis, but soon to be there, I am just sitting around each day, doing as I am told, but not really fully understanding if this is my true calling. Watching WALL-E last night was such a tug my on heart strings. I wanted to cry, literally, at the end ... when WALL-E doesn't remember EVE due to all of the things that happened to him in the movie. Robots falling in love on a Friday night with me, crying over them. Now that, is a sad moment...
But at work, Boss Man, as self-fish as I thought he was, I've noticed that most of management just looks out for themselves. It's a dog eat dog world out there and my Oprah attempts to befriend and to get along with others, isn't really something they acknowledge or reward. But it is a human instinct of mine to develop relationships and to embrace them, and I am sorry if that is not acceptable in the business world, but in life, I tend to believe that this is very important and why I am me.
Building relationships is like constructing a building. You have the foundation, the design and the vision. Much like construction, it does not happen over night unless your name is Ty and is the host of Extreme Makeover. Relationships develop over time and grow with experiences, and are tested against hardship and struggle. I am not saying all relationships have struggle because sometimes the mere action of letting someone in and sharing your life with them is enough to bond two people. For example, yesterday was an extremely insightful because someone I met at work, who was the most guarded person since me, opened up and shared his life, his struggle with love, and his passion for a new outlook on life - which made me so happy that he felt compelled to confide in me.
This brings me to my next point. I already made a point about "dating" on this blog somewhere momentarily. Not that YC and I ever dated, we just became really good friends. Though writing without thinking can get me into trouble, as my lunch buddy has constantly brought up - I've noticed that this time, I will process my thoughts before divulging them onto the page.
Another consultant... (man, what is it about them?!) has been with the company for about 3 years implementing this project. Though this project I believe is a complete flop, has turned our company's processes into a joke and our cycle time has tripled since October - we are still spending millions on trying to fix this problem. But this is where I believe in fate and I believe in chance. As I get interrogated by my work mom about this guy, 3 weeks later, we finally have a decent conversation with my initial introduction of myself. To make a long story short, I do not take chances with people that I know can hurt me. I don't stick my neck out on the line or even take things to the next level like carrying a "normal" conversation with them because in a sense, I feel that if I let my guard down a little, I will somehow end up the victim.
Going back to work - so why do people care if I am simply conversing with this consultant? It is because work is like high school. Work is gossip. Work is just a bad place sometimes because we spend so much time together and at the end of the day, life is more interesting when you have soap operatic moments, then when you sit at your desk for hours on end, by yourself, in silence. I know next week can be filled with drama. Only because lunch is a 5 letter word with the meaning of "date" embedded in it.
Working. Am I truly happy with what I have stumbled upon? Not sure. I still envision a life where I can work with people and do something with relationships and plan events and be creative. Though I am being creative now, it's just "never good enough" which gets me every single day.
To my point, I've daydreamed about this consultant. I've daydreamed about a new career. And I've daydreamed about the last years of college. I need to dream up of something fast... or else another year will have gone by, and I still will be writing these thoughts on this page...
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